I’m part of the generation of prizes, gold stars and words of affirmation. Once I graduated from grade school, I realized how ill-prepared that made me for life’s unavoidable rejections.
This is on my mind today after returning to one of my hobbies — theatre — during quarantine and getting too confident. I lost multiple roles to other actors in the Triangle because I was so sure the writers and directors would pick me. So, as I sit in the thick of it, I want to share some tips on how to move past rejection.
When you get rejected, it can feel like the end of the world. In a way, it is the end of a future path you fantasized about since the moment you auditioned or applied. You may try to pinpoint the blame on something other than yourself (e.g., I could definitely rant about nepotism’s unwelcome role in many theatre companies). Although, ultimately blaming someone else for your rejection won’t allow you to move past it.
So what do you do? One tip that works for me is to separate what you can control from what you cannot. When we first searched for a dog to adopt, we were rejected many times because we didn’t have a fenced yard. It was frustrating, but it also wasn’t feasible to move to a new, expensive location for the sake of a backyard. By waiting, we were able to work with a wonderful adoption coordinator who found the best fit for us. Looking back on it now, we would have missed out on the most amazing dog.
That brings me to my second tip: reflect on past rejections and the positives that came afterwards. I was rejected from working at a gung-ho wilderness program the summer after graduation. However, if that program had accepted me, I would have missed the opportunity to apply and interview for my current position at Chatham Habitat for Humanity.
My last tip is one of the hardest, and that is to try to separate your personal feelings from the rejection itself. I try to picture the possibility of rejection instead of blindly focusing on what will happen after I am accepted. Then if the rejection comes, you can greet it with a logical numbness. The hiring committee didn’t hate you; you just weren’t the best fit. The rejection could have saved you from a horrible experience or set you up for an even better one.
If you have faced large-scale rejection — whether from a job, grant proposal, elected office or even a lover — you are not alone. You will also not be in this situation forever (although if a rejection is truly unjust or discriminatory, let’s fight it).
If — like me — you have also been on the other side, make sure to notify those you reject so they can move on to the next opportunity. Maybe add a few kind words to your template rejection email so applicants don’t avoid your organization forever.
You truly may need them one day.
P.S. My go-to podcast for this topic is “We Regret to Inform You” by Apostrophe Podcast Company. Because guess also faced rejection? Stephen King, Lisa Kudrow, Ed Sheeran, RuPaul, Jay-Z and Lady Gaga.
Rachel Horowitz resides in Chatham County and works in Pittsboro. She is a graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill’s Hussman School of Journalism and Media.
