The yolk’s on me

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It’s another egg column.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.

I had a horrible May at the dealership. And when you work on 100% commission, if you don’t produce, what can be a very well-paying gig, ain’t so much.

So, instead of chicken in my very frequent dinner salads, if has been hard boiled eggs.

Here’s the skinny (pun sort of intended) on the price difference; for a gram of protein from an egg, the price is two cents. For a gram of chicken protein, it’s 92.5 cents.

So …

Everybody who eats eggs has had that hard boiled egg where the white is tough and rubbery and the yolk is dry as chalk and the palest of yellows with an outer ring around it that is the green resembling cartoon zombie flesh.

That egg was insanely overcooked.

And, the odor of an egg like this is multiplied exponentially. It has the sulfur of the bowels (pun absolutely intended) of hell.

It’s not a pleasant eating experience.

When a hammered egg is made into egg salad, you get a foul smelling mess that taste like dirty dishes.

Inside potato salad it confers a rubbery bite and a funky aftertaste.

No bueno.

Overcooking is bad.

So, we move to a seemingly well-cooked egg. Firm white and pale yellow yolk.

But.

That yolk is still so dry you can draw a hopscotch court on a sidewalk. It’ll crumble in a salad and your left with pale yellow dust.

Then a conventionally cooked hard boiled egg ain’t the greatest either.

So, what’s a discerning ova-vore to do?

When I was a kid and got sick, my mom would make a dish for me that I loved so much, I almost looked forward to catching something.

It was two soft-boiled eggs, in a Tupperware bowl with margarine, salt, and pepper. It was delicious and comforting.

Lately I’d bought a few dozen organic, free range, small producer eggs. The yolks were almost orange. But hard boiled for a conventional manner, they turned that namby-pamby pale yellow and dry.

That meant that I had to shake up the cooking procedure.

The goal was to take a regular cook and infuse it with a little of Mom’s sick day treat.

I tinkered, cooked a few dozen dozen eggs and came up with a procedure that works with two or 12 eggs — every time.

What I came up with is a white that is in no way rubbery and a yolk that is bright yellow and moist.

I call them Bright and Early Hardboiled eggs.

‘Cause the yolk is bright and you take them off the heat early.

Next hurdle is peeling those darn eggs. The way to get a clean peel is to get that darn membrane off the egg along with the shell. Leaving the membrane is shards is what make the shell come off with chunks of white. Not only is it unsightly, you’re losing hunks of the egg; you’re literally throwing food down the drain.

So, what I offer below is both recipe and technique.

With food prices rising every day, cheap protein is not a terrible idea — for anybody.

Thanks for your time.

Contact me at dm@bullcity.mom.

Bright & Early Hard-Boiled Eggs

Place eggs into a pot in which they easily fit. Cover with cold water. Place on burner at 8 and bring to a full boil. Immediately cover and remove from heat. Let sit covered for 11 minutes.

After exactly 11 minutes, remove from pot and place into a bowl filled with ice and enough water to cover by at least 1/2 inch.

Let sit in ice water for around 15 minutes before peeling.

 

Peeling Hard-Boiled Eggs

One at a time, place egg in a big, heavy mug. Jiggle and shake the egg in the mug for about 15 seconds. Dunk in the ice water, then peel the shell away.

I know it sounds crazy, Gentle Reader, but it works.

Easiest Deviled Eggs Ever

Slice the eggs in half and put the yolks in a zip-top bag. For each 6 yolks, add 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard and ¼ cup mayonnaise. Season with salt and pepper then add flavor; 1 teaspoon of herbs and spices.

Middle Eastern-Za’atar

Spanish-Smoked Paprika

Mexican-Tajin

Chinese-Five Spice

Italian-Garlic and Basil

Greek-Lemon zest and oregano

Massage the bag until the mixture is thoroughly combined.

Clip one corner off the bag then fill the hollowed halves of the whites like it’s a pastry bag.

Garnish with something that denotes the flavor of the filling.

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