Thankful that some faux pas still aren’t de rigueur

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I distinctly remember when I learned what a faux pas was. I’d been caught, as a 12-year-old, committing one — licking my knife, and in a nice restaurant, to boot — in the company of my grandfather.

He was a man not known for pulling punches when it came to life critiques.

“Son,” he said, with bewilderment in his voice, “now that’s what they call a faux pas.”

I wasn’t sure what “that” was. Nor was I familiar with the phrase he used. He was an eager teacher, though, and in short order I learned that using one’s tongue to remove a morsel of gravy from your table knife was strictly verboten. (That’s another word from Bill Horner Sr.’s colorful vocabulary — a preponderance of which had just four letters). And as a bonus I picked up some French with which I could use to tease my brainy sister Belinda. As in, “You know, it’s just not right for you to make better grades than me. Chill out on the studying. A girl being listed higher on the honor roll than her brother is a real faux pas.”

A faux pas, of course, is defined as a significant or embarrassing error or mistake. List of such include things like socially awkward or improper acts or remarks. You know: speaking with your mouth full of food. Checking your iPhone in the middle of a conversation. Forgetting to unmute yourself on Zoom, or not using your turn signal when I’m driving behind you.

The nature of the faux pas means that they’re most seriously committed in the company of witnesses. Which begs the question: Can you commit a faux pas at home? Maybe. I mean, aside from not wearing pants on a Zoom call?

When I said to my prim and proper wife a few weeks ago, “Son, that’s what they call a faux pas,” I probably crossed some kind of pedantic boundary. But the reality is she’d touched her tongue to her knife during dinner at home, and because she commits so few fouls (marital, social, Scrabble or otherwise), I felt like I had a responsibility — not necessarily to correct her, but to share with her my nearly five-decades-old faux pas memory, and to casually inform her that the French phrase translates into “false step.”

She wasn’t so amused. In addition to living with my smart aleckyness for 32 years, she minored in French in college.

At any rate, just like the so-called “soft skills” we used to acquire on the way to adulthood, gaffes and improprieties ain’t what they used to be. Cell phones, cable TV news, social media, “Karen” videos, primeval presidential tweets and mask-shaming have helped lower the bar. The lines between what’s considered a faux pas and what’s considered de rigueur have been blurred.

Still, it’s wise to pursue good manners and to practice things like self-awareness and kindness. And to know not to use the “OK” hand sign in Brazil or the U.K. And to not give someone in Iran or Iraq the “thumbs up,” or touch someone’s head in Thailand. And to not smile at people in Korea you don’t know.

And for heaven’s sake, to know that you don’t take bubblegum into Singapore. (Look that one up.)

So what about licking your plate when supper’s just about done? I can imagine what my grandfather would have said about that one. But I know for sure what my grandmother would have done: she’s pass me one of her mouth-watering biscuits and say, “Son, there’s a better way to clean your plate.”

Bill Horner III can be reach at bhorner3@chathamnr.com or @billthethird.