If I had a dollar for every pizza cooking procedure I’ve tried, I’d have enough for a late-model, low-mileage used car
And if I had a dime for every slice of traditional pie I’ve ever eaten, I’d have enough for a Milky Way candy bar — fun-sized.
Unlike seemingly every human on planet earth, I’m not a pizza fanatic. The words “Pizza Party” don’t thrill me, but fill my heart with minor disappointment. Maybe it’s the red sauce, but it just doesn’t move me. Petey and The Kid, however, are both big fans.
When The Kid was little, I had a job at an independent bookstore. I worked weekday mornings and one Saturday a month. On the weekdays, I was home for lunch. But Saturdays I worked all day. There was a local pizza place that delivered. But, pizza.
One Saturday, I was bored and looked through their takeout menu. They had tons of toppings and cheese. But what was more exciting was they offered a few different sauces. And one of them was a basil-rosemary olive oil glaze.
Not red sauce. Every few months, I’d order a pizza with olive oil, cheese, and a ton of veggies. Sometimes I’d pick up a couple of their half-baked pizzas and take them home for the Matthews Family Band.
But Petey said mine wasn’t really pizza. Hey, at least I didn’t eat pineapple on it like a husband of mine who will not be named occasionally did. I love pineapple, but that’s no pizza topping, my friend.
A few years later I discovered something that was pizza but with no red sauce. It was called flatbread — it was all of the bread and toppings, but none of the yucky sauce.
So, I was way ahead of the curve. I liked flatbread before flatbread was cool, and maybe even invented.
For years I tried to make pizza/flatbread at home. That way we could have exactly what we wanted on it, it would be cheaper, and we could eat in our pajamas.
But I couldn’t get it right. It was never as crispy and well cooked as pizza joint pizza was. If I cooked it on a sheet pan, it was limp. If I cooked it directly on the rack, all the toppings slid off onto my oven floor.
I tinkered with temps, times and prep. Nothing worked. So I took a hiatus. Then, one day I was in Whole Foods and for some reason, picked up their pre-made dough, mozzarella, and some pizza sauce (for Petey).
When I got ready to bake the pizzas, I realized there were no instructions on the bag.
So, I went online. And somehow, stumbled onto the absolute best procedure for making pizza at home. What was once a project fraught with hope and rewarded with failure and pain has become so easy, we have homemade pizza a couple of times a month.
Petey and I usually both have bacon on ours. He always has mozzarella, sometimes I lean sideways and go goat cheese. And I always have caramelized onion jam (News + Record, Nov. 22, 2019).
But the joy of flatbread is that it has the versatility of a Vaudeville performer. It’s refrigerator Velcro, any bits and pieces of leftovers are great. Meats, cheeses, and veggies. Thinly sliced pear, blue cheese and pecans are terrific. You can do scrambled eggs, cheese and country sausage. It’s a canvas made of bread — make it your own creation.
So call it pizza, call it flatbread, call it Princess Poopdeck, pride of the Great Dismal Swamp if you want; but when cooked right, you can also call it delicious.
Thanks for your time.
Contact me at debbie@bullcity.mom.
Since you can dress it any way you like, this week the recipe is the awesome, no-fail cooking instructions for pizza/flatbread, and a bacon prep that a chef taught me. It makes crispy flat bacon that doesn’t paint your kitchen in grease.
Pizza Cooking Instructions
Remove the dough from fridge 1 hour before baking to get the chill off it.
Preheat oven to 500° for at least 30 minutes before baking.
Sprinkle cornmeal generously over two baking sheets. Cut dough into two. Stretch, pat, and roll into disks about 8-10 inches (if you start with a round ball, you have a better chance of ending up with a circular pizza). Place one on each sheet pan.
Dress any way you like, don’t overdo it on the liquids or cheeses or you could end up with cheese overboard and a big mess.
Bake each separately on the pan, on the center rack for 8 minutes. Then rotate the pizza 180° and bake for 8 more minutes or until browned and bubbly. Remove from oven and slide off sheet pan onto cooling rack and let rest 5-10 minutes before slicing.
Making Bacon
Place slices of bacon onto parchment-lined pan. Place into cold oven (starting in a cold oven renders the fat better, making for a much crispier product).
Turn oven to 350°. Cook for 12 minutes and flip each slice over. Bake for an additional 8-10 minutes or until completely browned and crispy.
Remove to paper towel-lined platter and hold at room temp until service.