Editor’s note: “Death and Cupcakes: Coffee, Cake, and Conversation,” a discussion-focused program surrounding death, dying, sorrow and grief, will be held in the Holmes Meeting Room at the Chatham Community Library in Pittsboro beginning at 2:30 p.m. on Saturday, Dec. 14. It’ll be facilitated by Cathy ‘Brooksie’ Edwards, the clinical director of the nonprofit heart2heart, and will feature open-ended conversation about the topic of death. Edwards has just released a new book on the subject — called “Heartspace: Real Life Stories on Death and Dying.” This week, we talk with Edwards about the book and the upcoming Death and Cupcakes event.
Let’s start with your new book. It looks very intimately at death, but the stories contained inside are also a reflection on the joyousness of life. Can you talk about how the book came to be?
My relationship with death began very early for me — at the age of 14 — with the suicide of my father. From there — death continued to accompany me through life with the loss of many friends and my first husband. Death seemed the natural way out, however the grief that I carried inside was more deadly than death. Even though I had spent a lifetime digesting these death experiences, it wasn’t until I landed in someone’s dying time four years ago that I started to understand my true relationship with death and grief. Through that dying time journey, and a few more to follow, I started to weave together the deeper understanding and calling of my own life path. The book just happened. I heard a whisper that it was time to tell my own story and to provide a place for others to tell theirs. After that, the project had a life of its own.
I know the book is just released…but what’s been the reception so far?
It seems that everyone is ready to do the deeper work of talking about death. I had the soft opening at the Death Faire and it was standing room only. Here are a few quotes from people:
“With a gentle hand on our shoulder, Edwards brings us to the necessary places for a whole-hearted life - the deathbed and the grave. In this collection of stories of last moments and the landslide that accompanies loss, we gain a glimpse of how it is and could be, before it is our turn. By the last story, there is a richly textured blanket around your shoulders, to accompany Edward’s gentle hand.” — Katherine Savage, Death Midwife
“If you have suffered a profound loss, this collection will serve as a meditation, calling you to attend to a new vocabulary of grief or to the broken but healing hearts of not just these writers but of almost everyone on the planet.” — Anne Weston, founder of Green Burial Project
“Joy and grief, understanding and bewilderment, community and loneliness, love and bereavement, all are wreathed and braided into prayerful companionship in this heartfelt, tender, compassionate and loving testimony to the great song that is life and death.” — Mac Macartney, International speaker and writer
What’s your goal for the book?
I didn’t start out with a goal because it wasn’t about that for me. Now that it is done and I see the impact it is having, my wish is that these stories will bring about healing, in some form, of every person that reads one or more of these stories.
There are wonderful contributed stories from people both local and from around the country. How did you go about deciding who you’d consider asking to write about their own experience with death?
In the beginning I asked everyone that crossed my path. I wanted to have stories from some of my oldest friends and I wanted stories from my community here in Chatham County. There were some people that referred others to me because their stories needed to be told. There were many people who were not ready to tell their stories or felt this was not the venue for them. I included every story that was sent to me in this first anthology.
One particularly emotional story is by Tami Schwerin of Pittsboro, which deals with the death of her son Zafer and the aftermath. You and Tami are close friends…what did her contribution mean to you and to the book?
Both Tami and Lyle (Estill) were big supporters of the book project from the moment I spoke the words. Their support was foundational for me and Lyle had his story written within days of the asking.
You’ve been a part of a group of people who have given Chathamites a chance to really reflect on life — and death — through Death Faire, Chatham’s green burial site and now Death & Cupcakes, which is coming up this weekend. What has that been so important to you?
It is important to me that people trust me to tend to their loved ones during their dying time as a death doula — through the rituals of burial as the director at The Sanctuary at the Burrow conservation green burial grounds, and through the recovery of personal grief at the community events, Death and Cupcakes and Tending to the Heart.
Talk about Death & Cupcakes…how is it different from Death Faire, and what will attendees experience?
Death and Cupcakes occurs every four months and is an event that was fashioned after The Death Cafe which is a world wide “social franchise” model developed by Jon Underwood and Sue Bardky Reid to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.”
Abundance NC started this group with the guidance of Sare Williams who runs the Death Cafe in Mebane. In the Abundance fashion, we wanted to be able to do things a little different so the name was changed to Death and Cupcakes. heart2heart took over the operations of Death and Cupcakes and now it is being sponsored by the Friends of the Chatham Community Library. We are also being sponsored by Phoenix Bakery with their delicious cupcakes, coffee by Aromatic Roasters and teas by The Chatham Marketplace.
Join us on Saturday, Dec. 14th, in the Holmes Meeting Room at the Chatham Community Library from 2:30-4 p.m. This is a safe space to share stories and ask questions of sorrow, grief and love around death, dying and beyond. Facilitated by clinical director, Cathy Brooksie Edwards, with soundscape and music by Sheila Fleming.
This event is free and open to the public.
And what’s new with heart2heart?
heart2heartnc has its community events scheduled for 2020.
Tending to the Heart is one of the community events that offers the opportunity to experience the importance of hands on healing and sound put together for healing the heartspace. This is offered at the beautiful studio The Joy of Movement in Pittsboro. Here we offer the opportunity to be with your own process in the extended space of community which is so important to the process of healing. Dates include:
• Feb. 15; 7-8:30 p.m.
• June 6; 7-8:30 p.m.
• Oct. 17; 7-8:30 p.m.
Death and Cupcakes is a venue where people can come and share their stories or ask questions around death, dying and beyond. It is an opportunity to experience the power of music and healing, as well as the practice of how to sit and witness other people’s losses, griefs and curiosity around these sensitive topics. Dates include:
• March 28; 2:30-4 p.m.
• Aug. 29; 2:30-4 p.m.
• Dec. 12; 2:30-4 p.m.
Upcoming in 2020, heart2heart will be partnering with Sparkroot and The Sanctuary at the Burrow conservation green burial grounds for a practical course on green burial, home funerals and ancient ritual rites.
You have a book signing soon at McIntyre’s in Fearrington Village. What can you share about that?
The Jan. 25 event is an opportunity to celebrate the 19 storytellers who contributed to the anthology “Heartspace: Real Life Stories on Death and Dying.” Many of the authors will be there and each will read a short excerpt from there story in the Fearrington Barn from 11 a.m. to noon. Then there will be refreshments and book signing in McIntyres Book from noon until 1 p.m. You can pre-purchase your books at McIntyre’s Books or on Amazon.
This is a free event thanks to the generosity of our sponsors Abundance NC, Chatham Cider Works, Fair Game Beverage Company, Starlight Meadery, Angelina’s Kitchen, Carolina Cravings Company, The Chatham Marketplace and Blossom Artistry.
All book sale profits will go to support the great work of heart2heart.
How can people support heart2heart?
As a non-profit, heart2heartnc is supported by donations from individuals and grants from foundations. These donations support individuals, families and communities as they navigate the living path during the dying time, death and beyond.
Please consider giving a tax deductible donation this year. For further information please go to the website www.heart2heartnc.com or mail a check to heart2heart to Abundance NC at Box 5, 220 Lorax Lane, Pittsboro, N.C. 27312.