I recently became a first-time dog owner by entering a golden retriever rescue and leaving with a Chabrador. That sounds like a terrifying Pokémon character, but I promise she is a very sweet dog. I’m letting Sheba take over the column this week, as she has offered to share a few lessons.
Lesson #1: How to train your human
My masked rescuers whisked me away from the hospital and lured me into their home with various kinds of treats. I recommend that you just ignore the treats and start chewing on a notecard. (What? It’s tastier than plain kibble.) If your humans bring you to a dog park, start a revolution by chewing on grass. The other dogs will soon follow, and the humans will go crazy and start clapping to get your attention. This means you can train your humans to reward you every time they want to leave a place or reclaim their sleeping space. This brings me to my next point.
Lesson #2: Any dog can be a lap dog
I am 50 pounds, and I will still insist on climbing onto the couch arm or over my unsuspecting humans. You may ask why I would lie precariously on top of a person when there is plenty of space on the other end of the couch. Or perhaps why I would lie on my humans’ feet instead of the expensive looking dog bed. It’s so they can recognize my dominance while also giving me a belly rub. Don’t knock it ’til you try it.
Lesson #3: If you lay near the office printer, you’ll get the most pats
It’s super important to be strategic about where you lie down. For example, I know that if the super terrifying Toshiba XPS starts making noises, a new human is going to emerge and give me lots of pats. If they ignore you, follow them into their office and stare at them with huge round eyes. Since you are not their dog, they will feel obligated to give you attention, and maybe some lunch too.
Lesson #4: During an apocalypse, hide near the food
On my third birthday, my humans decided to give me a thunderstorm. Now usually at the first flash of lightning, I run to the bathroom where the thunder can’t reach through the windows and get me. On this particular day, my humans opened the pantry, the crème de la crème of hiding spots. I quickly jumped in and used a giant bag of rice as a pillow. Don’t rely on thundershirts to protect you. Instead, make sure you can access the Cheez-Its before your humans can. I will survive.
Lesson #5: Rescue dogs deserve a second (or third) chance
My humans don’t really know what my life was like from 2017 to 2018. I came into one rescue as a stray and a second rescue after my first adopter died. This all happened in the span of a year. The second rescue told potential fosters that I was pretty scared and timid. My new humans expected me to hide in the corner for the first day or two, but I walked right up to them and snuggled on the couch. Hence my Instagram name, @snuggle_bug_sheba. Like and subscribe.
Finally, if you’re thinking about adopting a dog, be like Nike and “Just Chew It!”
Wait … that’s not their slogan?
Rachel Horowitz resides in Chatham County and works in Pittsboro. She is a graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill’s Hussman School of Journalism and Media.